tic toc...

It's October 16th 2015. So much has happened and I apologize as much of which will be omitted from this post...where do I begin? Well the truth shall set you free? Yes it has. The truth set me free indeed. I found out the love of my life ultimately left me for someone else. Someone she got with 2/3 days after she walked out on me (which could only mean this has been going on a while before). And you know what.. I thought this would break me. I thought I would have been completely saddened by this. But I wasn't. In fact, I was happy. Blame my personality, but i'm more happy about someone else being happy than my own happiness. Does that make sense to you? It does in my head. To justify it to you: I wouldn't want to have proposed and have her saying yes, if i'm not the one her heart desires. I don't care how much it would have made me happy, but her being happy being with who she truly desires puts me at ease... fast forward to today... I realized that it wasn't the love that I truly missed, but I lost my best friend. Today I was feeling down. A friend lost her father to cancer, and I started thinking bout a high school mate who lost his life to a brain aneurysm. Heavy hearted I tweeted a few things and she msg'd to check up on me. I couldn't open up to her. I couldn't. I'm not ready to not have her as mine. So i've replied this and i'll leave it at that: "Im sorry... i know i can always talk to you and I hope you know the same applies.. besides being my girlfriend, you were my best friend. really and truly mean that. I think the hardest part about u leaving was not losing our relationship, but losing my best friend. So many times there has been things that the only person I wanna tell about is u. but when i turn to my phone i'm instantly reminded of reality. when u msg'd me this afternoon i wasn't me. I haven't been me. i'm sorry for shutting u out like that." -- Even in the darkest night, the sun has always risen --